The last few years have definitely felt like I’m stuck in a relationship revolving door. One person after another after another, constantly retelling the same stories, the same facts about yourself, blah blah. It’s exhausting.
A couple of months ago I met someone that I actually really liked for the first time in a VERY long time. No one has really given me butterflies lately and he did. It was exciting and thrilling. And I let myself get excited for the potential. I opened my heart. I thought ‘this could be something.’ And of course, life got in the way and due to circumstances not worth getting into here, things devolved over the past month. I hung on to the hope that things would return to those first few weeks but after too much disappointment and frustration, my patience wore thin and I had to tell him I was bowing out. It was difficult and that misunderstanding between the sexes about what the other person needs or wants to be happy was clearly at play.
He was probably trying his best, or what he thought was his best, but it wasn’t enough for me. He wasn’t making me a priority. Not to imply I’m overly demanding or had outrageous expectations, but I need to feel like a man wants to see me and spend time with me, and he’ll move things to make that happen. And while he called daily, that’s not enough. I don’t need a phone relationship. I need one IRL.
I left the door open for him, should he be ready to step up. But I highly doubt he understands or is capable of that. Of course the real disappointment is my own. Expecting someone to be what they aren’t, even when they’ve shown you their true self, is a hard pill to swallow. My friend Stephanie always says, “when someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
I think we all project and make excuses and want people to be who they aren’t and this is why we are so often disappointed. But of course, with every failure comes learning. I was able to truly be empathetic in this relationship and I was also very patient with him. As many of you know, patience and I aren’t exactly close friends. So the knowledge that I can try and see things from the other person’s perspective is a big step for me. And for better or for worse, because things did devolve, I wasn’t as heartbroken as I would have been a month ago when I thought I was falling for him. So the extrication, while always painful, is a bit less so.
Of course, in the end I just want someone to do what I would do, but I have learned that I am clearly not like most people. Cause I’m awesome. And they aren’t. So there.