I was having a conversation on Tinder the other night and this question was asked of me. Typically when a man asks “what are you looking for?” it’s code for, ‘I don’t want anything serious so please say you just want some fun’. My response to him was a tad snarky, but I often take my dating frustrations out on these faceless men. I replied, “Someone worthy of my time.” To his credit, he didn’t balk or get offended. He asked “How will you know when you see it?” A fair question, indeed. We then talked a bit about my digital impotence theory, because I said that would be the problem — no one wants to meet in person, so how can I see it?
When I asked the same of him he replied, “I want to find someone to feel giddy about, hold hands with and make out like teenagers.” While this is sweet in theory, (and who doesn’t want this) it sounds more like those initial dating stages where you are over the moon and all goo-goo eyed.
So it got me thinking. What am I looking for? Yes, there’s the need for someone smart, funny and good-looking (subject to opinion) but really it’s more about these:
- Someone who is good TO me and good FOR me. This is vital and sadly I think many people give you one or the other but not both. It’s a matter of knowing what you need and not just what you want.
- Someone who challenges me but isn’t challenging. I don’t want want a constant push-pull, but I do want and need someone who will continue to make me my best self. This includes mental stimulation as well as emotional.
- Someone who is passionate in all they do. Life is for living. Someone who doesn’t have anything that makes them excited is not for me.
- Someone who will love me more than their career. Yes our jobs are important, but the people in our lives come first.
- A foodie. After a date with someone who ordered chicken nuggets, I’ve realized I need someone who enjoys food (and wine!). Food is life! If my son eats better than my date, we’re not going to work.
- Someone active. They don’t need to do CrossFit (although that would be awesome!) but they do need to have something physical that motivates them. This could be running, skiing, tennis, even the elliptical. I don’t care as long as staying active is a part of their routine.
- A dad. Yes, this narrows the pool, but after dating way too many childless men, I know the person for me will be a father. He will understand responsibility and putting his kids first. And of course, he will come to love mine, and vice versa.
- A gentleman. There are far too few of these, but I hope to find one of the last ones.
- Someone who has traveled and wants to continue to do so. Seeing the world and experiencing other cultures is a priority for me.
- Someone who’s had their heart broken. Who’s broken someone else’s heart and who never wants to experience either again. Someone ready. Someone willing. Someone open and honest and ready for love.
This is what I’m looking for. So if you know someone like this, I’d love to meet him. But for now, the search continues.