So I have a date tonight. Yes, it’s an online date and I know little other than what’s in his profile. A friend posted an interesting article the other day by Mark Manson about being excited for a date. Essentially he felt you should be nervous for the date and so excited to go, you were like “fuck, yes” I can’t wait to meet this person. In theory I love this idea. And I think “back in the day” the idea of nerves and excitement were real and necessary. But that was then and this is now.
The reality is this: you can’t get too excited because in all likelihood this person won’t be who they claim to be. Or they’ll disappear into the atmosphere a few dates in (only to show up in your Tinder feed weeks later – yes this happened). And because in the age of internet dating, there’s no reason to get to know someone prior to the date (and because the above is likely to happen, if you do that you’ve wasted your time) getting excited about someone you know nothing about just makes no sense.
Now, of course I want to feel there could be potential with this person, otherwise it’s a waste of both of our time. I am wearing a dress and accessorizing. I look good. I’m treating this like a date, but to get too excited beforehand would just lead to more letdown and there’s enough of that with subsequent dates. Now, Manson does say if you don’t feel this way afterwards you should walk away, and with that I wholeheartedly agree. So many people believe in this “feelings can grow” philosophy but for me it’s all about that spark. If I don’t get excited after date 1, I won’t be more excited after date 2 or 3. This is me. I realize other people are more the slow burn type but let’s be honest, I’m like a nuclear reactor. That shit better blow me up date 1 or I’m onto the next one.
If I can’t picture kissing someone (or more) on the first date, chances are I never will. And I’ll lose interest. I’m visual and sensual. And while my brain is huge component in this stimulus package, the attraction is paramount (intelligence being part of said package). So I want to say “fuck, yes” once I’ve met someone but sadly and most likely it ends up being “fuck, no” or “get me the fuck out of here”.
Now, butterflies on a second date are a definite possibility when I start to like someone. You can’t help but be excited because you actually have a connection with them and want to envision the potential. But again, and sadly, until you’re months in, it’s hard to relax and know if they’re who they say they are and if they’ll stick around. It saddens me that my online experience has muted my excitement. Most of the time I just show up on a date feeling confident about what I bring to the table and yet benign about them. And yes, I look nice, I engage and impress, but rarely do I feel flutters. I miss those butterflies and hope one day to have them back.